Have you ever sat on the cold, concrete tombstone of a stranger, just to watch a gravedigger? It’s twilight and all you can hear is the shovel cutting into the soil and the birds chirping in the trees. These gravediggers, they all seem to wear flannel plaid snap-front work shirts and muddy boots. Most have beards. They won’t tell you their name. They never talk to you no matter how much you flirt with them or compliment their cracked, dry hands. Not that I’ve ever done that. I’m just curious if you’ve ever done it.
So anyway, after my recent bout with anxiety for many, many weeks and much research and much meditation and cutting out the sugar and the caffeine and the chocolate, and lots of walking and reading books on how to cope with anxiety, and talking to others with similar experiences, I’ve learned there are different types or levels of anxiety and many different ways to alleviate or cope with it and it’s different for everyone.
For me, it’s drugs. Drugs, I tell you!
I was hoping to do it without pharmaceutical intervention but all the non-drug solutions didn’t make a difference. I literally documented every hop, skip, and jump, and my body’s response to it and what works and what doesn’t.
And what works is the drugs.
Some day I hope to say “no” to drugs. But if I’m right and this whole out-of-the-blue situation is simply my brain boarding the hormonal roller coaster known as perimenopause, then it’s a temporary thing and I can eventually go off this medication.
Also? Why doesn’t Microsoft Word recognize “perimenopause”. And for that matter, why don’t any of the self-help books I read that describe all the causes of anxiety recognize perimenopause as one of them? This sounds like a call for a public awareness campaign. And it should start with a letter to all the spell checkers. I just need a mascot (what do you mean, “Ewwww gross”? This mascot wouldn’t look like an irregular menstrual cycle. How would you even design that kind of costume? Why are you “ewwwing” again?)
Anyway, if you ever experienced the long periods of paralyzing fear and high anxiety that I did, you’d understand why I was desperate to stop it and this was a situation that screamed for better living through chemistry.
I’m back to my old self now and can go to the grocery store all by myself, anxiety free.
And now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the cemetery…you know, for a friend.
Delighted to hear you’re feeling more like your usual self.
As someone who had a career as a clinical psychologist, I would not recommend medication as a long-term way of managing anxiety. After saying that, if it works for you, great; as long as it’s legal, I’d defend the right of anyone to use what they wish (alcohol, drugs, prayer, witchcraft!) to render life more tolerable.
Wishing you well for the future.
I am so glad you are feeling better and have decided to have “better living through chemicals”. Look, Honey, if the good lord didn’t want us to have drugs, he wouldn’t have let them be invented. Hair coloring? Same thing. You are better and back to your real self and that’s what matters! I took hormones when I was peri-menopausal and they helped a lot. I was on them for 2 years and then came off. It worked for me. The anti-anxiety drugs work really well too. I took Ativan for a short period while my mom was on chemo. It got me through it. Whatever works!
Thank you, Linda! And it’s so good to know I’m not alone in this. 🙂
Anxiety is an incredibly powerful and unsettling experience. It is very brave of you to share your experience for others to relate to. It’s a shame that more people feel unable to share similar experiences for fear of what others might think of them.
The more we talk about these things the more support others including ourselves have available. There is absolutely nothing wrong with using prescription drugs to get through a difficult patch!
Many people fear that they will become dependent on them but the truth is that this is rarely the case and more often than not they just help people through a difficult episode. After that people are often strong enough to manage with the support of friends and family.
Really excellent post, thanks for taking some time to write about your experiences for others to benefit from.
And thank YOU, Pete, for your encouragement and support. I really appreciate it and agree with you about how helpful it is (for me and others) to share my experience.
I’ve been on the perimenopause rollercoaster. Now I know what I never liked rollercoasters. Things do get better. It takes a while, but life will eventually return to your kind of normal. I’m glad the meds are helping. My motto is: whatever works for you.
Word not recognizing “perimenopause” increased my hysteria.
And hang onto that shovel. It might come in handy.
Ha! –> “Word not recognizing “perimenopause” increased my hysteria.”
Thank you, Lauren! 🙂
I’m so glad that you found something that works. I too am a big fan of effective pharmaceuticals. I think Jan may have helped you find a mascot:
Perry the minnow with paws.
Thank you, Michelle! Perry the minnow – Now I wish I’d said that. 🙂
I had a feeling it was that hormonal shit raising its ugly head. I’m so glad you’re better, sweetie. And drugs are the best! I’m certain I would have been one of those people in a clock tower with an Uzi that you hear about without mine. Happy Thanksgiving. Big hugs!
Thank you, Jane! And “in a clock tower with an uzi” has a nice ring to it. I hope you use it in a story. Think of it as a writing prompt. 🙂
Hooray for your solution!! Here’s to better living through chemistry for all perry mennow paws sufferers!! Come write with us soon, huh?
Yes! I will, Jan! And thank you! And other sentences ending in exclamation points!
Oh, I am so glad to hear you are doing so much better! Scary time for you, and I hope this breezes along quickly and you continue to feel better. xoxo
Thank you Sherri! And big hugs right back atcha!
I am very glad you found what you needed to help you. Sometimes you just need a pharmaceutical to do the job. The publicist does not know where she would be without her medications.
Thank you, Pricilla. You’re lucky goats don’t go through this……or, do they?