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Sometimes deep down, we’re aware that the choice we’re about to make isn’t the best one. Rather than change course, however, we offer excuses to justify what we are about to do. Instead of stopping ourselves from heading down the wrong path—or admitting we made a mistake—we get defensive and attempt to rationalize our behavior. Ultimately, we dig ourselves deeper. Every one of us behaves impulsively, gives in to immediate gratification, or overlooks risk sometimes. When we do, here are 5 statements we use to justify our poor choices:
1. “I deserve to be happy.”
Whether someone raises an eyebrow at a friend’s latest love interest, or a business advisor warns a client about taking on more debt, a reluctant listener often responds by saying, “But I deserve to be happy!” While you certainly deserve the right to pursue a happy, healthy lifestyle, this statement often gets thrown around by those about to sabotage their long-term happiness.
When you find yourself demanding that you deserve happiness, make sure you aren’t chasing fleeting feelings of happiness. Keep your goals and values in mind to prevent yourself from exchanging momentary pleasure for long-term satisfaction.
2. “I’d rather beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.”
When we’re about the break the rules on purpose, or push the boundaries a bit too far, it’s tempting to have this mindset. But if you really believe that you’re doing what is best, why would you need to ask for forgiveness at all? This tends to be a passive-aggressive way to avoid confrontation.
Before you move forward, thoughtfully consider the potential consequences of your behavior, including how it could damage a relationship. If you believe in something strongly enough, move forward with the confidence that there will be no need to fake an apology at a later date.
3. “You only live once.”
Ironically, YOLO is usually uttered right before someone puts their life in jeopardy: Should we really jump off this cliff into the rocky water below? YOLO. It’s also used to justify immediate gratification: Should I really eat a second piece of cake? YOLO.
A rich and full life requires a delicate balance between risk and long-term rewards. Calculate risk and take time to consider how this type of thinking could derail you over the long-term.
4. “I’m just being honest.”
Sometimes, when called out over impolite or unkind words, people claim their insensitivity stems from their desire to be truthful. While the truth does hurt sometimes, there’s no need to be overly harsh; honesty need not come at the expense of someone else’s feelings.
Before delivering criticism or negative feedback, balance your desire to be direct with the other person’s right to be treated with respect. Whether you are masking your insecurity by putting someone else down, or lashing out in anger, your disrespectful demeanor speaks more about your character than your claims of taking the moral high ground.
5. “I don’t care what anybody thinks.”
While it’s healthy to avoid trying to please everyone, that does not mean you should be careless about what others think. A complete disregard for anyone else’s feelings is usually indicative of a personality disorder. The truth is, we should care about other's regard for us.
While there’s no need to take a poll to ensure your loved ones agree with all your decisions, if people express concerns about your decision-making, be willing to listen. Set aside your defenses and take a moment to hear about potential pitfalls or risks you may be overlooking.
Build Mental Strength
Mentally strong people look for explanations without making excuses. They accept full responsibility for their thoughts, feelings and behavior. The good news: We all have the ability to build mental strength. With hard work, we can improve our ability to manage our thoughts, regulate our emotions, and behave productively despite our circumstances. The stronger we become, the less likely we will use excuses to justify our bad choices.
Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, keynote speaker, and the author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do, a best-selling book that is being translated into more than 20 languages. For more information on her personal story behind the book, watch the book trailer below.
