A study has found that social isolation can increase your risk of having a stroke or coronary artery disease by as much as 30%. While the study was observational, which means firm conclusions cannot be drawn about cause and effect, it suggests that addressing loneliness could pay a major role in tackling the two major causes of death in wealthy societies. We asked readers to tell us how social isolation affects both mind and body. Here are their stories.
‘Loneliness leaves me dizzy and short of breath’ – Julie, 40
I feel lonely because I am living in another country to the one I grew up in and the culture is very different. I struggle with language barriers and lack of shared reference points. I am also going through difficult family stuff and live far away from close relatives and friends. My mum is in a nursing home and I have to keep a close eye on her care and treatment because in the past she’s been neglected. This makes me feel alone; I feel like I am watching my mum fade away slowly due to illness.
Loneliness has left me feeling anxious, and suffering from panic attacks and depression. It has disabled me to the point that I am unable to hold down a job. My ability to plan and make decisions has also been affected. I feel I have lost the real me somewhere along the way. Physically, I feel dizzy and suffer from headaches as well as shortness of breath. I also have extreme exhaustion despite the days I have wasted in bed sleeping.
‘I live in my head too much and suffer from obsessive behaviour’ – Tucker, 69
I am a widow. All my family live in Holland apart from my son, who lives 100 miles away. Although I have friends, I have nobody to share my daily life with. I am mobile and drive but I end up spending a lot of time at home alone.
Feeling lonely affects my mental health become it results in obsessive behaviour. Without other people around me, I live in my head too much. Physically, I have become less active and pine for interaction. My situation would be made better if I didn’t live on my own, or got to spend time with people my age who are also independent, but there is no opportunity for this where I live. It is either a care home or nothing.
‘I’ve started smoking and cannot motivate myself to exercise’ – Tom, 33
I live alone and always have. I have never had a girlfriend and I am at the age now where all my friends are either getting married or having kids. I don’t talk to my younger brother at all and my mother is in care. The rest of my family are several hundred miles away.
I have been fine until recently. But in the past 18 months I really have never felt so alone. If something goes wrong, I now find myself spending hours at home alone thinking about it. My resilience seems to have disappeared. I have always been fit, running countless half marathons and even a full marathon, as well as play football regularly. However, in the past year or so I started smoking again and I really can’t find the motivation I once had.
‘I feel like I am completely unloveable’ – Miley, 32
I suffer from social anxiety and find it impossible to forge connections with people. I’ve never had a partner and, other than for a couple of years in my late teens, have never had any close friendships. I’m close to my sisters and parents but it’s not enough. I would desperately like to have friends and a relationship but I have no idea how to achieve this. I feel like I am completely unloveable.
I have suffered on and off from depression since my early 20s, much of which stems from my social phobia and isolation. I often feel tired and lethargic as a result.
It’s easy to identify the problem and even its causes, but therapy can’t really do anything tangible to change my situation. I need practical help to move forward but I don’t know where to find it.
‘I catch bugs easily because I am stressed’ – Maggie, 38
I am unable to keep and make plans due to the unpredictability of an illness I suffer from. I miss family functions. My daily goal is to get to work for eight hours, and the rest of the time I am either sleeping or lying down because of the pain I experience. I am shut off, growing more and more depressed.
I don’t know how to talk to people any more because I do nothing. I don’t know how to react to things. I am almost always alone and in my head and I fear I am going crazy. Loneliness also affects me physically: I catch bugs easily because I am stressed. I desperately want to have the energy to socialise and be a friend, but I am unable to get better.
‘I have put a lot of weight on, and it affects my health’ – Mandy, 53
I am single mum with no help and no time for myself. I am in a long-distance relationship that makes me feel lonelier when he leaves, and I am also insecure because I don’t see a future in this relationship. Loneliness makes me feel low all the time and I think about my past too much rather than enjoying the here and now. I have no motivation. This means I have put a lot of weight on, which affects my health. Maybe the best way out of this would be to take up a hobby, but it’s hard when there’s no one to look after my son.
‘I feel mentally drained’ – Aaron, 46
I am single and have been for a number of years. I do find myself feeling low and depressed, trying to figure out what’s wrong with me and why I’m not seen as relationship material. I also find myself becoming angry and feeling mentally drained. I have gained weight, which I am trying to lose, but I do feel what’s the point? What difference will it make? It sounds simple but all I want is to meet someone who wants to share time and experiences with me.
All names have been changed
- In the UK, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14. Hotlines in other countries can be found here
