Originally, Stone Phillips told me, he intended to shoot a kind of home movie.
His parents, after deliberating with their three children for a year, were about to leave their independent living apartment in St. Louis for a similar one in North Carolina, near their daughter’s home. She would supervise their care as their mother’s dementia progressed.
“I wanted to chronicle the move,” Mr. Phillips, 59, the former network news correspondent and anchor, told me. “And I wanted to capture her before the dementia became too advanced.”
So as Grace and Vic Phillips, then 88 and 92, began saying their goodbyes to their many local friends and neighbors, fellow church members, even that nice lady at the bank, their youngest child kept his camcorder rolling and asked lots of questions.
The elder Phillipses had lived in St. Louis for decades. She’d taught school; he’d been a chemical engineer at Monsanto. Leaving would be wrenching. “If that’s what you think is best, I’ll go with the program,” Grace Phillips says onscreen, bravely trying to conceal confusion and anxiety beneath relentless sunniness. “It’s going to be a whole new chapter.”
At this point, the handwriting had been on the wall for many months. She was already experiencing memory loss. Her husband, who no longer drove, would have had trouble taking care of her on his own. She’d recently taken one of his blood pressure medications by mistake, passed out and wound up at the hospital. Their children lived in North Carolina, Wisconsin and New York. It was time.
“Even as she reluctantly consented, it was kind of heartbreaking,” Mr. Phillips said. “It was difficult for them and for us; an unsettling process” — but one, he knew, that many families were experiencing. “The more the story unfolded, it occurred to me it could be shared.” His family consented.
The resulting documentary, “Moving With Grace,” has been shown by 20 public television stations around the country since its debut on the St. Louis affiliate almost a year ago. WNET in New York will air it on Sunday, April 20, at 7 p.m. KCTS in Seattle and KYVE in Yakima, Wash., will show it on May 11 — Mother’s Day — at 2 p.m. Distributed by American Public Television, it’s likely to pop up on other stations in coming months.
Keep an eye out for it. “Moving With Grace” is a frank and moving story that Mr. Phillips hopes will stimulate discussions in other families. His was fortunate that his parents agreed to relocate and could afford a continuing care retirement community. But in many ways, theirs is becoming a universal saga.
Since moving into their new complex in June 2011, the couple has graduated from independent to assisted living. Vic Phillips, feeling isolated and depressed at first, found assisted living friendlier. Now 95, he works out daily in the gym and solves crossword puzzles online.
Grace Phillips, 91, remains “her cheery, rosy, amazing self,” her son said. But she has declined since he shot the film. When her son flies in from New York, sometimes she recognizes him and “sometimes she thinks I’m a nice young man who’s come to visit.”
Soon, she will need to move into the memory care unit, and the couple will be separated for the first time since they married in 1945. At least, their children think, they will be only a few hallways apart.
Mr. Phillips is glad they moved when they did. And he’s glad, for personal reasons, to have recorded his still-vibrant mother a couple of years ago. “It’s a treasure for me, seeing her be herself,” he said.
He’s a professional, but you don’t have to be to follow his lead. “I’d encourage people: Take out your phone, do some interviews, get some video,” he said. “It’s precious to have.”
An earlier version of this post incorrectly described Vic Phillips's position at Monsanto. He was a chemical engineer, not an executive.