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Pinay actress in US talks of hurt, healing after domestic abuse
SAN FRANCISCO — Most people experiencing abuse in the hands of those supposed to love, honor and protect them often hide the fact, thinking every relationship has moments of violence.
Giovannie Espiritu used to be among those suffering in silence.
A longtime television actor with hit network programs like Bones, Trauma, ER, and Gilmore Girls to her credit, Espiritu devoted herself to acting as a means to survive.
When the founder and teacher of the San Francisco Actors Workshop goes onstage in the 10th annual Free from Violence 5:30-7:30 p.m., Thursday, Oct. 2 at the Philippine Consulate General here, she will tell her own story of hurt and healing from domestic violence.
Giovannie Espiritu hopes her story will encourage others to look into their own experiences and 'repair mistakes' made earlier in life. Philippine News
The event launches October, both Domestic Violence Awareness Month and Filipino American History Month, and is aimed at promoting safe and healthy relationships through Filipino lenses.
"Acting is a healing balm into my soul - to be able to find myself within other characters and learning empathy for the world by walking in someone else’s shoes for a while," Espiritu told Philippine News.
Hearing her story, she hopes, will encourage others to look into their own experiences and repair mistakes made earlier in life.
Espiritu will share that she was born to a 16-year-old. Her mother, she said, did not have opportunity to learn about positive interaction and thought that her husband could have been worse by hitting her, the way news headlines emphasize in reports on domestic violence. But he never put a hand to her, so he was "not that bad," her mother believed.
What Giovannie remembers most about her parents together were the loud, forceful verbal exchanges between them. She never saw any physical altercation.
By the time she was six, her parents had separated, putting the yelling matches in the past. And as her mother's trials continued, hers began.
The new man to enter her mother's life did not raise his voice. First he cracked jokes that made the little girl uncomfortable and then began to suggest activity that made her "sick to my stomach."
"But since he hasn't touched me yet, I think I'm technically 'safe',"Espiritu recalled the reaction she picked up from her mother: “'If he hits you, then it's not OK.' So basically everything else was permissible."
The truism guided Espiritu in her intimate relationships here and during a sojourn in the Philippines, which she describes in detail as if reminding herself she knows better today.
She does.
Back then, however, she sought only to be with someone who at first seemed sincerely intending to make her happy by traveling to the Philippines to win her over. Even when she found out her suitor had lied about his age to get her interested in him, she married him soon as she turned 18 in fealty to her church.
The union she had dreamed of turned into a nightmare when her husband began showing a new side. He insisted on moving to a house in the mountains where the nearest neighbor would not hear his outbursts. He sped dangerously through the winding roads, scaring her. He could not get a job much less keep a job, quitting to spend all his time to keep tab of his wife and their newborn son. He angered easily.
"So many things could set him off… I started losing track of all the things that set him off. It seemed like everything could," Espiritu said.
At one point he hurled a log at her, missing her but chipping off part of the door frame.
His message was clear, but because he did not once lay a hand on her, she put the incident behind her.
Ironically her husband's decision to stay home, compelling her to be the sole breadwinner, worked in Giovannie's favor. He agreed that she needed to attend acting school if she was to succeed in show business. There, in the company of acting students and a teacher who cared enough to start a conversation that made Giovannie feel safe to engage, her story came out.
What gave Giovannie the courage to make a decision that would free her from abuse was the realization that she had a choice to stay or leave, knowing she would have the resources to start over: her mother, her talent, and a circle of friends who referred her to service agencies. Most importantly, she wanted her son to see that love does not hurt.
While Espiritu's story culminates with a happy ending, similar cases do not.
Every nine seconds, a woman is abused in this country, according to statistics from the U.S. Department of Justice. Those victims come from every sector of society.
"Our hope is that in our small way, we can contribute to building safe homes and communities through information about how domestic abuse looks like," said Jose Antonio, 2014 president of ALLICE.
"Knowing the warning signs for abusive personalities can help people from entering a relationship with a perpetrator. Understanding the cycle of abuse can spare potential victims from future suffering. And awareness of resources can help troubled couples and their families deal with their situation."
ALLICE, an all-volunteer nonprofit organization, collaborates with allies in their communitywide movement for healthy homes and communities through healthy relationships.
Longtime partner the Consulate General in San Francisco is hosting this year's event with Consul General Henry Bensurto welcoming the community. California Assembly Member Rob Bonta will deliver the keynote address.
Representatives of API Legal Outreach, Asian Women’s Shelter, Building Futures with Women and Children, Catholic Charities, Center for Domestic Peace, Community Overcoming Relationship Abuse, Community United Against Violence, Cooperative Restraining Order Clinic, Filipino Mental Health Initiative, Futures Without Violence, Filipino-American Law Enforcement Officers Association, Peninsula Family Service, and West Bay Pilipino Multi-Service Center will consult with attendees about their community-based programs.
Donor allies Lucky Chances, Moonstar, Hapag Filipino and Starbucks Coffee Company will serve hearty refreshments.
A free raffle drawing will award prizes from San Mateo County Behavioral Health and Recovery Services, Philippine Association of University Women, Filipino Bar Association of Northern California and Guy Guerrero.
Philippine News, Philippines Today, and The Filipino Channel are longtime media outreach donors.
For more information about the 10th annual Free from Violence, call the Philippine Consulate (415)433-6666 or visit www.allicekumares.com. For more information on Giovannie Espiritu visit sfactorsworkshop.com. —Philippine News
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Philippine News executive editor Cherie M. Querol Moreno is founder and executive director of ALLICE and a Commissioner with the San Mateo County Commission on Aging.
