1. All the bars are going to be packed because it's Friday. Only that one made of a pile of sticks with a hunchback serving Jägerbombs might have some bar space for you.
2. All the bros will be out because it's Friday. The numerous variations of bro: The dress-shirt bro. The muscle-tank bro. The creepy married-and-soon-to-be-divorced bro.
3. You got no sleep this week. It was so, so hard to wake up each morning. You skipped so many morning showers you'd sworn to take. You were so cranky by Thursday people were avoiding eye contact.
4. And even if you sleep in tomorrow, hangover-sleep is not the good, replenishing, healthy sleep. According to science.
5. You're on Day 3 and your hair looked fine this morning but now it … does not. Not even a topknot can disguise that.
6. You can make yourself a nice dinner as the final meal of the day rather than drink seven cocktails and then stagger over to a pizza place. It's healthier and it tastes better!
7. You will save money. Because once you open a tab and start boozing, money from a credit card begins to feel like it does Not Exist, and it's a free-for-all.
8. You're going to a friend's party Saturday that you're sure you'll get drunk at, and you want to have the energy to enjoy it. Two nights in a row is physically difficult at the age of 23, unless you're Toasteee from Flavor of Love.
9. Going out is always disappointing. Getting ready and pregaming with friends is always the best part. You know this.
10. The wrong guy will hit on you. Because the right one is at home with his girlfriend watching Top Chef and smelling like pine needles.
11. You can drink more beer faster if you don't have to waste time talking to other people in a social setting. You know you don't care about whether this acquaintance from college is working at the same job, anyway.
12. Going to your evening yoga class is better for you. It helps you wind down after a long week and improves your sleep.
13. Pajamas. Or a giant baggy shirt with no pants. It's your choice. Whichever it is, it's more comfortable than a body-con clubbing dress and spike heels.
14. It's been a long-ass week. You know it. I know it.
15. Orange Is the New Black comes back next Friday and you haven't watched the first season yet.
16. You're going to get up early tomorrow and get so much done. Get some work done, go grocery shopping, use that body lotion, use that other body lotion, pay your bills …
17. You have good leftovers in the fridge and you don't want them to go to waste. That Chinese food's got one good night left in it. After that it's an untouchable. (And Chinese food is awesome as leftovers.)
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