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What to Say to Your Parent When They’re Dying
Final conversations can make a huge difference. Don’t put them off.
One night, one that would turn out to be about a month before my mom died of cancer, my dad, two brothers, my sister, and I gathered in the living room of the family house, surrounding our mom in the unstylish but functional recliner where she spent most of her time during her illness. (The “cancer chair” is definitely a thing.) I turned off whatever cooking show was on TV.
“Mom, is it okay if… we, um, spend some time sharing memories?” I asked, tentatively. Her eyes lit up: “Of course!”
Over the next hour, we surrounded her chair. Stroking her hair, kissing her head, and hugging her as we retold our favorite family stories. We went around the group, each us getting the chance to tell her how much we loved her and what an amazing mother, wife, and grandmother she was. She shared her love, hopes, and dreams for each of us — her pride in us, and how happy she was that her four kids were so close. We all cried, and we all laughed. At one point, my mom, who was devoutly Christian, prayed aloud for each of us. It was the one time I can remember her praying for me as an adult where I didn’t squirm.
