As a former pastor, Rob Bell has counseled countless people struggling with loss, trauma and varying degrees of pain. But one particularly tragic story early in his career illustrates what many people need most during their heartaches, he says.
Back then, Bell was scheduled to officiate a young couple’s wedding. However, before the nuptials could take place, Bell received a phone call that the groom-to-be had been in an accident at work. The young man had died.
“It was one of those tragic, inexplicable accidents,” Bell says.
Yet, as it so often happens in the midst of trauma, the loved ones wanted an explanation. An answer. A deeper meaning. So, that same day, the grieving bride sent for Bell.
“I race over there and I pull up and there’s cars up and down the street,” Bell recalls. “I go into her parents’ house. She’s there, neighbors, friends, friends of her parents ― the house is filled. I come into the kitchen and she says, ‘Everybody out of the kitchen. Except you, Rob. Sit.’”
Alone with Bell, the bride made a pointed request.
“She says, ‘Tell me why this happened,’” Bell says.
Bell responded honestly. “I said to her, ‘I don’t know. But I do know that there’s a house full of people here who love you, and we are going to walk with you through this,’” he says.
“Central to solidarity is understanding the power of silence.”
- Rob Bell
It wasn’t an explanation, it’s still a sentiment that people in pain sometimes don’t even realize they need to hear, Bell points out.
“Oftentimes, in suffering, we look for answers when there aren’t any,” he says. “But what we’re really looking for is solidarity. Someone to walk with us.”
Offering this comfort doesn’t always have to be verbal, he adds.
“Sometimes words help, and sometimes words actually get in the way,” Bell says. “So, central to solidarity is understanding the power of silence. You come and you sit with the person. You’re there, in flesh and blood, to witness their pain. Sometimes, that’s the greatest gift you can give someone.”
Another insight about grief:
Support HuffPost
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone.
Whether you come to HuffPost for updates on the 2024 presidential race, hard-hitting investigations into critical issues facing our country today, or trending stories that make you laugh, we appreciate you. The truth is, news costs money to produce, and we are proud that we have never put our stories behind an expensive paywall.
Would you join us to help keep our stories free for all? Your contribution of as little as $2 will go a long way.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you’ll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.