How I 'came out' about my hearing disability

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This was published 7 years ago

How I 'came out' about my hearing disability

By Kate Disher-Quill

I was born with a mild hearing loss, which is closer to a moderate loss these days. I was diagnosed when I was 3, yet it wasn't until I was 10 and given my first pair of hearing aids that I really realised I had a "problem". I hated the idea that I had a "disability" and I simply denied it. I was coping fine at school, my marks were good, I had great friends - so I didn't see the need to address this "problem" of mine. I got through high school and uni, talking very little about it and rarely wearing the four pairs of hearing aids I was given over those ten years.

Rejecting my deafness and refusing to wear my hearing aids is not something I am particularly proud of, but I have been trying to come to an understanding as to why I bottled it up and denied it for so long.

"It is important just to know that there are many ways to experience and manage deafness," says photographer Kate Disher-Quill, whose new project addresses her acceptance of her disability.

"It is important just to know that there are many ways to experience and manage deafness," says photographer Kate Disher-Quill, whose new project addresses her acceptance of her disability.Credit: Kate Disher-Quill

I had always considered myself to be a confident young person, comfortable in my own skin and without insecurities, but there was this part of myself that I had been ignoring. Whenever I happened to tell someone, "Oh I have a hearing problem... Umm yeah actually I have hearing aids... Oh but no I don't really wear them", I would tense up, my voice would shake, and I would go red. It was a huge insecurity, yet I would brush it off, forget about it, move on.

After I finished uni and began my career as a freelance photographer, I realised my hearing problem was affecting my professional life. If I didn't hear things in a social situation, it might have been slightly awkward or someone might think I'm rude; however in the professional world, it could mean losing a job or missing out on future opportunities.

Kate Disher-Quill's 'Right Hear, Right Now'.

Kate Disher-Quill's 'Right Hear, Right Now'.Credit: Kate Disher-Quill

Despite becoming more aware of my hearing loss, it certainly wasn't a priority to deal with and I still didn't wear my hearing aids. The thought of a client seeing them on me made me squirm with embarrassment, as though they would somehow think I was less capable.

It wasn't until a bit over a year ago that all this changed. I was reading an article in a magazine and it was about a 27-year-old woman who was deaf. She mentioned the awkwardness of missing punchlines, the embarrassment of being a teenager and telling boys she couldn't hear, and the satisfaction of watching a DVD with subtitles. She then went on to explain that visual imagery has always been a huge part of her life, and that it seemed natural for her to pursue her passion as a photographer.

I read it and I cried. I felt like I was reading about myself. I felt an incredible sense of comfort that these insecurities I had were not something to be ashamed of, and that ultimately I wasn't alone. For the first time in my life, I realised that having a hearing loss WAS a part of who I am, part of my identity and that I should be accepting, if not proud of it.

I had an urge to talk to people about it, to share this part of myself that was actually kind of fascinating. For 26 years I had bottled up my experience as a hearing impaired, "partially deaf " person, and suddenly thoughts and memories poured out that I didn't even know existed. I began to think about my childhood, how I was apparently calm and quiet, yet I would dress myself in ridiculously colourful (always colour co-ordinated) outfits.

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Artist Kate Disher-Quill.

Artist Kate Disher-Quill.

I thought about how I felt when I first got my hearing aids and had to see a "special needs" teacher. That memory is particularly painful; it was when I got the idea in my head that I would never be as smart as my friends because I couldn't hear everything. Despite the fact that I excelled at school and got higher marks than a lot of my peers, I'm ashamed to admit I could never quite shake that thought, that I was never smart enough and that my intellect was tied to my hearing loss.

But I've also thought about how my deafness has had a positive impact on my life. I am a patient, observant, resilient and respective person. I have been told that I am a good listener (ironic, I know) because I give people my full attention and always look at them when they speak - a quality I strongly admire in others. And, of course, to have the skill of lipreading and sleeping through thunderstorms are two things I wouldn't want to live without.

I started to process these thoughts and memories, and I became excited to share them with people. I took photos of my hearing aids and I "came out" about my hearing loss. While this was in some way a liberating experience, above all else I wanted to make others feel the way I now did.

I began a photography-based project to tell the stories and experiences of deafness. Right Hear, Right Now is about empowering people to accept and embrace their differences, to raise awareness, and to ultimately transform negative perspectives into ones of inspiration and understanding. Essentially, I wanted to create something that I would have liked to have seen when I was 10, 16, 21 and 26. A project that could have inspired me to accept my hearing loss long before I actually did.

Over the past year I have met adults, young and old, teenagers, children, parents and relatives. People with hearing aids, with cochlear implants, those who sign, and those who are bilingual. But I have also met those who choose not to wear hearing aids, not to get a cochlear implant, not to sign or not to speak. I've come to learn that there are so many experiences of deafness, so many different perspectives, attitudes and even debates. There is no right or wrong way; it is important just to know that there are many ways to experience and manage deafness.

Working on Right Hear, Right Now has been an incredible journey. Not only have I have formed lifelong friendships, learnt another language and come to embrace and love my hearing aids, but I have also been able to provide others with that same comfort that I experienced when reading that article - and the courage to accept and embrace this part of ourselves.

Kate Disher-Quill's 'Right Hear, Right Now' project is now showing at No Vacancy Gallery in Melbourne until August 28. Head here for more details.

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