Field Guide to Dumb Birds of North America

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🦅 DUMB BIRDS MADE IT TO THE FINALS!! 🦅
Holy Woodpecker! Dumb Birds has made it to the @GOODREADS Choice Awards Final Round!! PLEASE HELP DUMB BIRDS FLY ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP!
Final Round Voting closes Dec. 4 – give birds the finger and CAST YOUR...

🦅 DUMB BIRDS MADE IT TO THE FINALS!! 🦅

Holy Woodpecker! Dumb Birds has made it to the @GOODREADS Choice Awards Final Round!! PLEASE HELP DUMB BIRDS FLY ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP!

Final Round Voting closes Dec. 4 – give birds the finger and CAST YOUR VOTE IN THE FINALS TODAY!

I’m so incredibly grateful for all of your support. Thank you all! 

✅ ✅ ✅

GoodreadsChoice humor books dumbbirds vote finals alltheway
Yes, birds still suck. But THIS doesn’t:
DUMB BIRDS HAS BEEN NOMINATED FOR BEST HUMOR BOOK IN THE 2022 @GOODREADS CHOICE AWARDS!! 🦅
Please help the Dumb Birds of The Whole Stupid World fly straight to the top by casting your VOTE today — help Dumb...

Yes, birds still suck. But THIS doesn’t:  

DUMB BIRDS HAS BEEN NOMINATED FOR BEST HUMOR BOOK IN THE 2022 @GOODREADS CHOICE AWARDS!! 🦅

Please help the Dumb Birds of The Whole Stupid World fly straight to the top by casting your VOTE today — help Dumb Birds make it to the finals! 

https://www.goodreads.com/choiceawards/best-humor-books-2022 ✅✅✅

Thanks for all of your support!

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Common Name: Boreal Chickadee
This brown capped member of the Tit family is brown and dull. It lives quietly in the forests of the far North American continent and is non-migratory, so unless you’re unlucky enough to be in Alaska or Canada you...

Common Name: Boreal Chickadee

This brown capped member of the Tit family is brown and dull. It lives quietly in the forests of the far North American continent and is non-migratory, so unless you’re unlucky enough to be in Alaska or Canada you probably won’t have to see one. Not that you would probably notice it if you did. It happily visits backyard feeders within its range, but there’s no compelling reason to bother looking. 

Fun Fact: Canadians are so bored with this bird that they have tried making it more interesting by inventing fun colloquial names for it, like Chick Chick, Tom-tit, and even Fillady. This doesn’t really help.

Bird Region: North America

🦅🦅🦅⁠

⁠Read all about this and other asshats from around the world in my latest book:⁠

THE FIELD GUIDE TO DUMB BIRDS OF THE WHOLE STUPID WORLD⁠

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Yellow Bastard Chat
Common Name: Yellow-breasted Chat
This obnoxious shit can never be serious. He may look pretty, but he’s a goddamned clown. He’s the kind of bird that’s always chuckling. Or gurgling. Or making various squeaks and squawks. He gets...

Yellow Bastard Chat
Common Name: Yellow-breasted Chat

This obnoxious shit can never be serious. He may look pretty, but he’s a goddamned clown. He’s the kind of bird that’s always chuckling. Or gurgling. Or making various squeaks and squawks. He gets a real kick out of hiding in hedges and mimicking a crow or maybe a car horn. It’s pretty much impossible not to hate this bird as soon as he opens his fucking beak. 

Color: Bright yellow and whatever. I hate this guy.

Bird Region: North America

🦅🦅🦅

Read all about this and other avian asshats from around the world in my latest book:

The Field Guide to Dumb Birds of the Whole Stupid World

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It’s spring and we all know what that means. That’s right—the goddamned scrub jays are back.California Smug Jerk
Common Name: California Scrub Jay (formerly Western Scrub Jay)
Due to climate change, this smug son of a bitch has expanded its range...

It’s spring and we all know what that means. That’s right—the goddamned scrub jays are back.

California Smug Jerk
Common Name: California Scrub Jay (formerly Western Scrub Jay)

Due to climate change, this smug son of a bitch has expanded its range from California up the western coast of the U.S. into Washington State, and is now regularly disturbing the peace in my back yard with its fucking loud, harsh call. 

It used to be called the Western Scrub Jay, but some scientists got bored and decided to divide them into two separate species (California Scrub Jays in coastal areas, and Woodhouses Scrub Jays in the interior). Both are still smug fucks.

Bird Region: North America. West Coast. Definitely in the authors trees.

🦅🦅🦅

Read all about this and other asshats from around the world in my latest book:

THE FIELD GUIDE TO DUMB BIRDS OF THE WHOLE STUPID WORLD

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Feel like some quality audio entertainment? Listen to my interview on The Cabin Country Podcast, where I chat with two swell fellows from Minnesota about dumb birds, cabins, art, and the trials of being in the 4th grade.
Cabin Country - Ep. 35:...

Feel like some quality audio entertainment? 

Listen to my interview on The Cabin Country Podcast, where I chat with two swell fellows from Minnesota about dumb birds, cabins, art, and the trials of being in the 4th grade.

Cabin Country - Ep. 35: Dumb-Ass Birds - A F@*!#ing Hilarious Field Guide!

Ps. Do yourself a favor and follow this podcast! It’s quality entertainment with that rich, smooth midwest flavor that will leave you feeling good.

The Cabin Country Podcast
Join Bjorn and Fud as they trade stories and memories of cabin life in Minnesota. Sure, the fish aren’t always biting and the old boat motor doesn’t always start, but there are always fond recollections of time spent at the cabin, either from decades back or just weeks ago.

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#1: That time you finally spotted a Golden Crowned KingletYou are on a winter walk down by the water. It is a cold and crisp but sunny day. Unexpectedly, you see a small bird in the brush near you. You instantly recognize it as the Golden Crowned...

#1: That time you finally spotted a Golden Crowned Kinglet

You are on a winter walk down by the water. It is a cold and crisp but sunny day. Unexpectedly, you see a small bird in the brush near you. You instantly recognize it as the Golden Crowned Kinglet. How could you ever forget that bird? Remember that bird report in the fourth grade? You had tried, but failed to spot one in the field… until now. Somehow, you feel that if you can get a picture of it with your phone, you will be vindicated in some small but important way. It won’t stop moving long enough for your phone to focus.  You end up with multiple pictures of a blurry, nondescript shape among the leaves. It laughs and flits away. 

“You little son of a bitch,” you think.

You can order The Field Guide to Dumb Birds of North America:

Amazon Barnes & NobleChronicle Books IndieBound

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#2: Picture Window ProvocationYou are fortunate. You are blessed. You look out your large, west facing window, past your cherry trees, at the water and islands of the beautiful Puget Sound. You are a deep state of awe as the setting sun begins...

#2: Picture Window Provocation

You are fortunate. You are blessed. You look out your large, west facing window, past your cherry trees, at the water and islands of the beautiful Puget Sound. You are a deep state of awe as the setting sun begins dipping behind the snowcapped Olympic Mountains. It lights the sky on fire with hues of pink and orange that can’t be properly described. You are filled with a sense of serenity and gratitude. Or at least you would be, if some bird had not somehow managed to land a huge messy load right in the very exact middle of your goddamned picture window. You are going to have to get a ladder to clean it.

You can order The Field Guide to Dumb Birds of North America:

Amazon Barnes & NobleChronicle Books IndieBound

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