I was watching the Antiques Roadshow recently when something piqued my interest; a man brought in a letter signed by Walt Whitman, the prolific poet and writer. Recently, historians discovered that Whitman quietly spent much of his time making rounds at hospitals that cared for gravely injured Civil War soldiers. He frequently came just to chat, or to hand out snacks and supplies.
During these visits, he also wrote letters for wounded and dying soldiers, some of whom were illiterate, could not afford writing paper, or lacked the strength to pick up a pen. Whitman dutifully transcribed love letters, updates about the war and last wishes. While these letters were not in the soldiers’ own handwriting, they were written in their own unique voice, something that no doubt brought a measure of comfort to the intended reader. To one widow, Whitman wrote on her husband’s behalf: “I hope it will be God’s will that we shall yet meet again.” Two lines down, below the soldier’s name, it was signed “Written by Walt Whitman, a friend.”
This story resonated strongly with me. I coordinate a program through SSM Health at Home Hospice called MyLegacy, through which our patients have the opportunity to record some of their life stories, sharing intimate thoughts and emotions, and tell their families what they have meant and their hopes for them. These patients put a lot of trust in our team to listen respectfully and offer them careful guidance through this process.
I have listened to a woman tell of her struggles as an orphan, getting her first dishwashing job at the age of 12 and sleeping in the back of the kitchen at night. Another lived through the Blitz and described the shelling that rocked her London home each night. Many patients have opened up about prior addictions and the grace they felt upon overcoming them. One man requested 30 DVDs to be distributed to his Alcoholics Anonymous group after he passed.
Others are interested in teaching me, a woman several decades their junior, tidbits they have learned over the years. I now know how to properly pin a diaper, raise chickens, and make baklava. We talk about their childhoods, marriages, highs and lows, funny events and tragedies. One patient even told me her favorite dirty jokes! With each interview, I take care to ensure the patient's voice and unique personality shine through.
Without exception, each patient discusses their special relationship with family members or caregivers and discloses how grateful they are to have had them in their lives. Some are strong enough to talk for hours, while others are weak and must speak in a low whisper that can barely be heard above the noise of their oxygen tank.
MyLegacy incorporates other projects as well:
- Binding an album for a couple who had a commitment ceremony provided by the SSM Health at Home Hospice team
- Helping a young dad write birthday cards for his teenage daughter to read each year
- Taking Christmas photos of a large family
- Making slideshows of photos and favorite songs
- Taking pictures of the hands of patients who are near death and unable to speak
The reactions of families to these small mementos is profound. A woman who watched her husband’s video the night after his funeral called to tell me that she was so grateful to be able to see him and hear his voice. She said “It was like having a visit from him. I can’t thank you enough.”
I feel privileged each day to be able to preserve our patients’ legacies in such a unique way, and am immensely grateful for the SSM Health at Home Hospice and Home Health Foundation through which we are able to offer such a meaningful and lasting experience.
Bridget Burke is the My Legacy Coordinator for SSM Health at Home Hospice, based in St. Louis, Mo. For more information about the My Legacy program or to learn tips and techniques for preserving the memories of your own family call 314-989-2775 or visit the webpage.