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Weird Is Normal When Teenagers Grieve Paperback – October 15, 2010

4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 85 ratings

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Teens grieve differently from adults and often get lost in the shuffle after the death of a loved one. Weird Is Normal When Teenagers Grieve is unique because it is a self-help book for grieving teens written by an actively grieving teen. Author Jenny Lee Wheeler lost her father to cancer when she was fourteen and validates for her peers that they have the right to grieve in their own way and according to their own timetable, that their grief attacks might be different from those of adults around them, and that they aren't going crazy if they see signs from their loved one. Dr. Heidi Horsley writes in the Foreword, Teen grief is often overlooked and unacknowledged. ¦ Jenny's journey will strike a note with teenagers everywhere who have experienced the loss of someone they love. She gives sound advice and lets them know they are not alone.
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"... a real joy -- a book for adolescents written by one. Teens will find this book full of sage advice from one their peers..." --Kenneth J. Doka, Ph.D., co-author of Living with Grief: Children, Adolescents, and Loss

"Jenny's journey will strike a note with grieving teenagers everywhere. She gives sound advice and lets you know you are not alone ... an excellent resource for teen grief groups." --Heidi Horsley, Psy.D., co-author of Teen Grief Relief

"... a practical yet heartfelt book to help teens worldwide ... an important guiding light, bringing much-needed hope and healing." --Ken Ross, author, A Real Taste of Life: A Journal by Ken Ross and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

From the Author

Welcome, grieving teens (and those who want to understand and help comfort a grieving teen). I wrote this book because I want grieving teenagers to know they are not alone. I hope that by sharing my grief experiences, you will feel okay with "where you are at" in your own grief journey. I want you to know that there are many teens going through similar things, and I hope some of the suggestions I offer in the book will ring true for you and help you to heal from your loss.
 
Here's a little background. My dad got sick when I was 14, and he died a month later. It was really painful to watch him get weaker each day and to realize that he was going to die. Years earlier, Dad had signed a document called a Living Will, stating that if he ever became so sick that he had to be hooked up to machines to keep him alive, he would want to be removed from life support and be able to die a natural death. To honor his wishes, we as a family gathered around his hospital bed one afternoon as nurses removed him from the machines that were breathing for him and keeping him alive. He was so sick that he was unconscious, but the nurses told us to go ahead and talk to him because he might still be able to hear us. I kept telling Dad how much I loved him, and I was thanking him over and over again for being such a great dad to me. Even though it was strange to think that within a few minutes he would no longer be alive, we were able to tell him that we would be okay and that he could go in peace. As he died right in front of us, I felt relieved that he was no longer suffering but sad that beginning at that moment my own dad was no longer alive. I felt like I crossed over some sort of barrier, like I was automatically in a new part of my life -- the part after my dad died. Dad's death left a huge hole in my life, and I cried a lot.
 
As the days and months went by, I began to notice that I grieved differently from the adults around me. My grief attacks -- those unexpected waves of grief that sometimes come crashing down upon us -- seemed to be triggered by things that were unusual, even weird. I began writing about my observations and experiences and decided to put them into a book to validate for you that weird truly is normal when we as teenagers grieve!
 
I guess you can say I'm fairly "experienced" with grief, because grieving has been a normal part of my life ever since I was five years old and my grandfathers died weeks apart. As a family we found ways to talk about our sadness and express our feelings of loss. This helped me after my grandma died when I was eleven, and especially after my dad died three years later.
 
At the end of each chapter of
Weird Is Normal When Teenagers Grieve, you will find bullet points for easy reading. Here are some of the things you will read about:
  • You have the right to be grieving no matter what; no loss is too small (like the death of a pet!).
  • You don't have to act tough to show others how strong you are.
  • You don't have to "get over" your loss or "snap out of it" because of someone else's expectations.
  • It is important to share your feelings; "sucking it up" will only hurt you more.
  • Reach out to others, and most of them will try to reach back.
  • Talk about it; try to find at least one person you can talk with openly to help you heal.
  • If you find it's too hard to talk about your grief, that's okay! Maybe you can express your feelings in other healthy ways, like through writing, art, music, or other activities unique to you.
  • Don't take it personally if some people -- even some of your friends -- don't know what to say to you and start to avoid you. Many people feel awkward talking about death.
  • The first holiday, birthday, and other special dates after your loved one has died are difficult, but sometimes the second one can be even harder!
  • No feeling is the wrong feeling. You have the right to feel whatever you are feeling.
  • Nothing is wrong with you if your grieving patterns are different from those of adults -- for teenagers they can be unpredictable, and this often seems weird.
  • You don't have to feel embarrassed about grief attacks; everyone who has experienced a painful loss has had them.
  • Your grief attacks don't have to be similar to those of adults; try talking about these differences to a family member or other person who is also grieving. This will help you both learn to tune into each other's feelings and comfort each other.
  • Signs of continued love come in many different ways. Try to keep your eyes, ears, mind, and heart open to these special synchronicities.
  • As teens, we have the special gift of naturally accepting out-of-the ordinary experiences like seeing signs of continued love, which can bring us comfort.
Thank you for letting me share my grief journey. Sharing my experiences with you helps me to continue to heal.

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ 0981621988
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Quality Of Life Publishing Co; 1st edition (October 15, 2010)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 110 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9780981621982
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0981621982
  • Reading age ‏ : ‎ 4 - 12 years
  • Grade level ‏ : ‎ 8 - 6
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 6.4 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.61 x 0.27 x 9.01 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 85 ratings

About the author

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Jenny Lee Wheeler
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Jenny Lee Wheeler is a high school student living in Southwest Florida who loves to write. She began writing short stories in fourth grade, thanks to a teacher who believed that creative writing should be an important part of elementary education curriculum. Noticing that Jenny was a born editor with a firm grasp on grammar, punctuation, and spelling, the teacher often asked Jenny to edit stories written by her peers. Jenny was fortunate that her love of writing and natural knack for editing were applauded and celebrated by every teacher through the years. At the end of eighth grade, her English teacher presented her with the annual award for creative writing, noting that the quality of Jenny's writing was such that -- if she desired -- she could be a successful published author at age 14!

Jenny received that creative writing award just months after her beloved father had died of cancer. Little did she know that her journey through grief would inspire her to journal her grief experiences for the benefit of other grieving teens, and she would become a published author while still in high school!

As she grieved the death of her beloved father, Jenny began to notice that she grieved differently than the adults around her. Her grief attacks -- those waves of grief that come crashing down upon us, often unexpectedly, seemed to be triggered by things that were unusual, even weird! She also noticed that her openness to signs of continued love from her dad, which often came in the form of things like frogs and dragonflies, was not shared by everyone around her. She decided to write a book to help other teenagers who had lost someone dear through death. Jenny wanted to validate that they aren't alone in their sadness, that their grief journey will be different from that of the adults around them, and that if they find comfort in seeing signs of continued love, embrace these synchronicities and stay open to more signs!

Jenny enjoys speaking to groups about her grief journey, especially the importance of staying open to signs of continued love. She has spoken to groups in California, Texas, and other locales, including being a co-presenter to bereavement counselors across North America attending the annual symposium of the National Alliance for Grieving Children.

She is the author of the upcoming book, Lunch Box Love Notes from Dad, based on the charming, clever, and heartfelt notes her father used to write her each morning and tuck into her lunch box for her enjoyment (and that of many of her classmates!) She is the illustrator of two children's grief support books, Heart-Shaped Pickles and Timmy's Christmas Surprise.

Jenny also likes to write poetry and song lyrics, illustrating her writings as time permits. In high school, she enjoys cross country, track, and playing flute in the orchestra. In her spare time she likes to rollerblade, play electric guitar, travel, and watch the Animal Planet and SyFy channels. A devoted vegetarian, she is passionate about animal rights and hopes to study science in college so she can better understand how to protect animal habitats and the environment.

Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on October 18, 2013
    Written by a very articulate 16-year-old, this book discusses parent death from the perspective of a girl who was between the first and second anniversary of her loss. The book emphasizes that everyone has their own path. A moderate reader would be fine with the text. "At a glance" summarizes the content at the end of each chapter. The four parts and chapters are:
    Grieving is Normal
    1. My Path of Grief
    2. Everyone Grieves
    3. Share Your Feelings; Show Your Grief
    4. Your Feelings are Your Feelings
    Grieving is Weird
    5. Grief Attacks: Everyone Has Them
    6. From Teenagers to Adults
    On the Healing Road to Peace
    7. Talk About It
    8. Remembering Your Loved One
    Signs of Continued Love
    9. Look Anywhere for Signs of Continued Love
    10. Opening Yourself to Signs
    Afterword: How Laughter Helped Our Family.
    This book should be in all grief libraries.
    13 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on May 30, 2016
    Short and simple but a good read. Good info about the grieving process that people don't usually talk about.
    3 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on July 30, 2013
    I bought this book originally for a project in my Master's level program. This is a great book for teenagers that are grieving. Being a teenager is tough enough and to add grieving on top of that adds to the confusion of those years. Wheeler does a great job of breaking down the many different emotions and behaviors we experience while grieving. She even mentions her own experiences when she was a teenager experiencing grief.

    I highly recommend this if you know a teenager that needs a little help while grieving.
    7 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on September 26, 2011
    This is a very good book written by a wise beyond her years, young lady. She is in touch with her peers and seems right on target in her advice and her experience was handled with dignity and respect. Her Father and Mother did a fine job raising her.
    6 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on December 29, 2013
    I bought this book for my 15 year old granddaughter who lost her mother and a year later was still having a hard time and it seems to have helped her, knowing her feelings are normal.
    7 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on February 23, 2015
    My Fifteen year old daughter read this book. She thought it would be helpful to anyone who's parent has died of cancer.
    8 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on May 11, 2020
    Good book
  • Reviewed in the United States on April 15, 2019
    Great book for a grieving child/teen
    One person found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • Moon n Stars
    5.0 out of 5 stars Teenage Grief is given a voice
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 12, 2025
    A wonderful book that I have suggested to teenagers to help them understand why their feelings and emotions are completely jumbled. You are not weird, You are not mad, you are grieving.
  • Crystall B.
    5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
    Reviewed in Canada on October 26, 2015
    Excellent! Just as described.
  • image
    4.0 out of 5 stars Grief for teenagers
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 30, 2015
    An easy read that just gives you a little insight into how a teenager experiences grief.
  • Barbara Roberts
    5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 13, 2018
    Found it useful when working with teenagers as they sometimes get confused with their feelings