Van Gogh for Breakfast

This Instructable will teach you how to re-create van Gogh’s iconic painting Starry Night with nothing but bacon. Buckle up! It’s gonna be a delicious, post-impressionistic ride!

First of all, you’ll need to find a clear image of Starry Night. Just pull up google images and print out the best one you can find! You’ll use this as a reference for proper bacon placement.

Gather the following supplies: x-acto knife or other sharp knife, small cutting board, large cutting board or cookie sheet that will accommodate an 11” x 15” picture, ruler, 1 package of turkey bacon, and 2 packages of regular bacon.

Factoid: raw bacon is an excellent moisturizer.

Like all foods that can be classified as delicious, bacon melts when it gets warm. To keep everything as solid as possible only work with one package of meat at a time. Let the rest chill in the fridge.

Open your first bag-o-bacon and, using the sharp knife, gently slice the individual pieces into long strips of white, pink, and red. Keep each strip as long as possible. When you have finished separating the entire first bag, move on to the turkey bacon. Slice up only half of the turkey bacon. Leave the rest of the turkey and the second bag of regular bacon whole. When all is said and done, you will have five piles of color –light turkey bacon, dark turkey bacon, red bacon, pink bacon, and white bacon fat.   

(sliced turkey bacon not pictured)

Now stop, turn on some good French Jazz and consider this particular work of art. Since you will be using only bacon, a medium that is in no way, shape, or form conducive to detail, you have to have a firm understanding of what makes this panting recognizable. The cloud swirling across the sky, the tall church steeple rising up from the hills, and the dark treetop in the extreme foreground makes this painting unique. Pay them the most attention, and your efforts will be rewarded.

Now, begin construction! The final picture will be approximately 11” x 15”. On the large cutting board, use the ruler and a pencil to mark out the proper sized rectangle. Discard the ruler and pencil. From the pile of white bacon fat, select the longest pieces to frame the edge of the picture. You should now have a bacontangle (n. an 11” X 15” two-dimensional geometric figure formed of four sides and white bacon fat.) Cover empty baconangle inside with dark turkey slices. This is the foundation of your picture, so cover it thoroughly – none of the cutting board should be showing. This way the finished product will be as solid and beautiful as possible.

Using the piles of color, begin to assemble the picture. This is a picture of layers, so start first with the swirling cloud, and then move onto the moon and the stars. When you are happy with the placement, fill in the sky by weaving swirls of red around the stars and clouds. Open the final package of bacon and use whole pieces to create the hills. Use layers of various depth and breadth to re-create the movement and life of the painting.

Now assemble the Village. From the remaining whole strips of bacon, cut a triangle that’s about 3 inches long and 1 inch wide. This is your church steeple. (Fun factoid: if you open it up, you’ll see all the people!) Slice up various smaller squares and triangles that will become the church building and village houses. Place them on the picture in ways that resemble the buildings and church in the painting.

You’re almost finished! Twist the lighter turkey bacon slices and place them in the extreme foreground of the picture, left of center. Houston, we have a treetop! Use the rest of the bacon bits to fill in spots and add detail and interesting texture to the picture. Don’t forget doors and windows in the village, vegetation on the hills, and divots and swirls in the sky. If you have much more energy than I do, you can even incorporate bacon bits, bacon grease, and the sadly misconstrued Canadian bacon.

Congratulations, your picture is now complete! Photograph it, disassemble it, and fry it up. It’s breakfast time somewhere!

And remember, kids: uncooked meat is unsafe to eat!