Lin Sue Cooney: How to cope with grief during the holidays
Losing someone you love isn’t a one-time hurt.
Grief has a way of sneaking up on us. Just when things seem to be getting better a familiar song, a whiff of perfume, an old photograph can innocently trigger a memory. Instantly, we’re pierced with pain.
Coping with such loss is even harder during the holidays. What used to be a festive time of decorations and parties — laughter and togetherness — now seems meaningless. We’re paralyzed by the thought of shopping and socializing. How can we continue old traditions like nothing has changed?
Because everything has changed.
There is no miracle pill to take away the pain. No magic wand that restores the sparkle of the season. But grief experts say there are ways to survive the holidays and celebrate moments.
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Honor the old and create the new. No matter what you do, the memory of your loved one will be with you this holiday season. Find a way to honor and acknowledge that while creating new family traditions to share going forward.
Set limits. Let everyone know that you will not be over-doing, over-shopping, over-cooking, over-pleasing or over-worrying this year. This is not a time to be a perfectionist. Accept help when it’s offered.
Plan ahead. Don’t be afraid to say no. Choose activities that will make the holidays enjoyable for you. Do a few special things with a few special people, not everything with everybody. It’s essential to nurture yourself during this vulnerable time.
Grief is not something to be conquered alone. And if you are struggling, we can help. Comerica Bank and Hospice of the Valley are hosting a community event in Scottsdale on Nov. 8 to help grieving families cope with the holidays.
There is no cost to attend, but please register online at Hospice of the Valley.
You may also find comfort at Hospice of the Valley’s annual community remembrance event celebrating the lives of loved ones who have died. Light Up A Life will be held under the stars at Steele Indian School Park on Sunday, Nov. 19. The evening features a photo montage set to beautiful music and projected against the night sky. This no-cost event is open to all.
And after the holidays have come and gone help is still available. Hospice of the Valley provides no-cost grief support to anyone in the community. Groups meet Valleywide at varying times and locations.
Although it’s true that life will never be the same it’s also true that people do heal after losing a loved one. It doesn’t happen quickly but recovery is ahead. It isn’t easy, but you can find hope and happiness again.
Lin Sue Cooney is director of community engagement for Hospice of the Valley. She was a newscaster at 12 News for 31 years.
Hospice of the Valley November calendar
Coping with Grief during the Holidays: A community discussion sponsored by Comerica Bank and conducted by Hospice of the Valley grief support counselors will help families learn ways to move through the holiday season after the death of a loved one. No cost, but please register: 602-636-5391 or events5@hov.org. 6-7:30 p.m. Nov. 8, Granite Reef Senior Center, 1700 N. Granite Reef Road,
Scottsdale.
Light Up a Life: A community remembrance event celebrating the lives of loved ones who have died. The evening features a photo montage set to beautiful music and projected against the night sky. This no-cost event is open all in the community. 6-7 p.m. Nov. 19, Steele Indian School Park Amphitheater, 300 E. Indian School Road, Phoenix.
Grief support for adults: No-cost grief support offered by Hospice of the Valley available at locations Valleywide. www.hov.org/our-care/grief-support/grief-support-groups/ or 602-530-6970.
Picking up the pieces: This six-week interactive group is designed for people whose spouse or partner has died. 4:30-6 p.m., Mondays, Nov. 6-Dec. 11, Hospice of the Valley, 16117 N. 76 St., Scottsdale. Register: 602- 530-6970 or https://www.hov.org/our-care/grief-support/grief-support-groups/picking-up-the-pieces/.
Grief support for children and families: New Song Center for Grieving Children and Families offers grief support groups Valleywide to help children, youth and young adults through the death of a loved one. https://hov.org/our-care/grief-support/new-song-center-for-grieving-children/. “Enduring Ties” serves families whose child has died. “Luz del Corazon” is a group for Spanish-speakers. Call 480-951-8985 for information and registration. No cost.
Mindfulness classes: Half-hour mindfulness sittings are offered weekly at no cost by Hospice of the Valley at two locations. Noon-12:30 p.m., Tuesdays, administrative office, 1510 E. Flower St., Phoenix. Noon-12:30 p.m., Thursdays, Phoenix Art Museum, 1625 N. Central Ave.
Volunteer opportunities: Visit patients in their homes and give family caregivers a break, help with administrative duties, work at our thrift stores or do sewing projects. Advance application is required: https://hov.org/volunteer/. Information: 602-636-6336. The next orientation is scheduled for Nov. 9, 10, 16 and 17 at Hospice of the Valley’s Northeast Office, 16117 N. 76 St., Scottsdale, 85260.
Poinsettia Tea: Delight in scones, sandwiches, desserts and entertainment while supporting Duet’s mission to promote health and well-being. Register now for the Dec. 10 event at Hyatt Regency Scottsdale at Gainey Ranch, 7500 E. Doubletree Ranch Road, Scottsdale. 602-274-5022 or www.duetaz.org
Duet support groups: For family caregivers caring for loved ones with Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, dementia or other health issues. Locations and times vary. English and Spanish. 602-274-5022 or duetaz.org.
Grandparents Raising Grandkids Support Groups: For times and locations, call 602-274 -5022, Ext 31.
Volunteer: 90 adults on a waiting list need grocery-shopping help, rides to medical appointments, minor home repairs and friendly visits. Monthly volunteer orientations available. RSVP to volunteer@duetaz.org or call 602-274-5022.